Burlington Bertie

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"Burlington Bertie" is a music hall song composed by Harry B. Norris in 1900 and notably sung by Vesta Tilley. It concerns an aristocratic young idler who pursues a life of leisure in the West End of London. Burlington is an upmarket London shopping arcade associated with luxury goods.

This song was parodied in the now-much-better-known "Burlington Bertie from Bow" (1915) credited to William Hargreaves and sung by his wife, Ella Shields, who performed the song whilst dressed in male attire as the sort of character known as a "broken down swell". Unlike the original song, Bertie's pretensions to gentility are belied by his residence in Bow, in the poverty-stricken East End of London, though his status as an idler ironically links him to the leisured aristocratic class, who reside in the West End.^[1]

Betty Grable in the part of vaudevillian Myrtle McKinley Burt performed the song in the musical film Mother Wore Tights (1947).^[2]

Julie Andrews, also dressed in male attire, gave another rendition of the song in the film Star! (1968).

It was sung on episode 201 of The Muppet Show by a custom Bertie Muppet performed by Jerry Nelson.

It was referenced in the song "My Town" by the Canadian band Glass Tiger.

At the Royal Variety Performance in 1981, it was performed in the customary male evening dress by Anita Harris, who brought the house down with the line "I've just had a banana with Lady Diana" in the Buckingham Palace verse of the song. Although the Diana in the original version was probably Lady Diana Cooper, Prince Charles had married Lady Diana Spencer earlier in the year.

The two songs about Burlington Bertie are both predecessors of Irving Berlin's song "A Couple of Swells". In all three songs, a woman dressed in a ragged form of male finery brags about how well connected in society "he" is, while clearly demonstrating an actual state of poverty.

In gambling terminology, or Tic-tac_(horse_racing), "Burlington Bertie" is rhyming slang for the fractional odds of 10/3, which is normally referred to as "one hundred to thirty".^{[citation needed]}

In bingo calling "Burlington Bertie" is the call for 30.^[3]

A CD transfer recording of "Burlington Bertie from Bow" performed by Ella Shields is available from Windyridge.^[4]

A recording of "Burlington Bertie from Bow" was also made by Clinton Ford and appears on the collection Run to the Door.

Written and composed by Harry B. Norris.^[5]

^[6]

I'm Bert

P'raps you've heard of me

Bert

You've had word of me,

Jogging along

Hearty and strong

Living on plates of fresh air

I dress up in fashion

And when I am feeling depressed

I shave from my cuff all the whiskers and fluff

Stick my hat on and toddle up West

I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at ten-thirty

and saunter along like a toff

I walk down the Strand with my gloves on my hand

Then I walk down again with them off

I'm all airs and graces, correct easy paces

Without food so long, I've forgot where my face is

I'm Bert, Bert, I haven't a shirt

But my people are well off you know.

Nearly everyone knows me from Smith to Lord Rosebr'y,

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow.

I stroll

With Lord Hurlington,

Roll

In The Burlington

Call for Champagne

Walk out again

Come back and borrow the ink

I live most expensive

Like Tom Lipton I'm in the swim

He's got so much 'oof' that he sleeps on the roof

And I live in the room over him.

I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at ten thirty

And saunter along Temple Bar

As round there I skip

I keep shouting "Pip Pip!"

And the darn'd fools think I'm in my car

At Rothschild's I swank it

My body I plank it

On his front door step with The Mail for a blanket

I'm Bert, Bert, and Rothschild was hurt

He said "You can't sleep there" I said "Oh"

He said "I'm Rothschild, sonny!" I said "That's damn'd funny,

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow"

I smile

Condescendingly

While they're extending me

Cheer upon cheer

When I appear

Captain with my polo team

So strict are my people

They're William the Conqueror's strain

If they ever knew I'd been talking to you

Why they'd never look at me again

I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at ten thirty

And reach Kempton Park around three

I stand by the rail, when a horse is for sale

And you ought to see Wooton watch me

I lean on some awning while Lord Derby's yawning

Then he bids two thousand and I bid "Good Morning

I'm Bert, Bert, I'd buy one, a Cert

But where would I keep it you know

I can't let my man see me in bed with a gee-gee

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow!

My pose,

Tho' ironical

Shows

That my monocle

Holds up my face, keeps it in place,

Stops it from slipping away.

Cigars, cigars, haha

I smoke thousands,

I usually deal in The Strand

But you have to take care when you're getting them there

Or some idiot might step on your hand.

I'm Burlington Bertie I rise at ten thirty

Then Buckingham Palace I view.

I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard

And the King shouts across "Toodle oo"!

The Prince of Wales' brother along with some other

Slaps me on the back and says "Come and see Mother"

I'm Bert, Bert, and royalty's hurt,

When they ask me to dine I say no.

I've just had a banana with Lady Diana

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow.